RealityBites

2006-02-10T18:10:00.000-08:00

well i made lieutant, now i'm just waiting for the army to tell me when i have to go to school. then i'll be able to move somewhere besides here. tam was right. she told me to be patient what i want will come. well i guess thats all for now. i'm thankful!

2006-01-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

why i got to be a dumbass? thats my sister yall so she think she can get away with. i chalk it up to she is pregnant and mean. that child gonna come out just as mean. been gone for a minute cause i still can't get on at work. i'm in the computer lab now. anyway, i'll know about the promotion next month. the army is going to send me to school for two years to become a nurse and i'm gonna get more money. i'm set. i'll be so happy. i'll be out of this miserable state!!! i miss getting on this thing. i'll talk to yall later.

2006-01-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

hey people, i've been gone for a minute cause one i don't have a computer at home yes i know i'm kind of olf fashion one of my tv's is olfer than me. i'm 29. buying a computer isn't that far from the bottom of my list. i don't even have a bed frame. well that may be too deep. i like to roll out of bed. anyway i don't need it i guess. anyway what was i talking about. oh and my computer at work for some reason won't let me get any further than my dashboard. damn big brother must be watchin. so the only way i can get on is if i go to koolbreezes house which is kind of far and gas is kind high. so anyway nothing has been going on too much for me. i'm trying to get a promotion into another part of the army that will pay a lot more than what i'm making now. kind of scary i'll have a lot more responsibilty. i'll just suck it up. oh well for some reason i haven't been able to catch up on my sleep but i have the next 4 days off so i'll catch up then. i don't know whats going on with me. i went to bed at 9 last night and woke up this morning tired. thats been like that all week. anyway i'll talk to u folks later.

2006-01-03T15:18:00.000-08:00

I DID FORGET ABOUT THAT. MY GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY LAST FEBUARY, WHILE I WAS AT BASIC. AND I COULD HAVE LEFT BASIC BUT I WOULD HAVE HAD TO START ALL OVER AGAIN. AND ALTHOUGH IT WAS THE BEGINNING IT WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT. PLUS IT WOULD HAVE EXTENDED ME BEING AWAY FROM MY BABYGIRL. I JUST COULDN'T DO IT. AND YES I'M A 42A. ARMY FOLKS KNOW WHAT THAT IS. TODAY WAS MY FIRST FULL DAY BACK AT WORK I HAD TO GET UP EXTRA EARLY IT WAS A KILLER. UUHH I'M TRYING TO FIND AWAY TO GET OUT OF MY UNIT WITHOUT BURNING ANY BRIDGES. ITS FUSTRATING. I HATE STRUCTURE AND FORMALITIES. ITS BEEN A LONG DAY.

2005-12-30T18:13:00.000-08:00

okay things are back to normal. its the dawning of a new year. thank God 2005 is over. lets reflect. got out of a violent relationship. i joined the army, went thru basic traing with a bunch of kids that was fun. got bit by something in the woods, broke out in hives and almost stopped breathing. went to the dessert in tx for two weeks and got very sick. tonsilitus to be exact. came home searched for a job. got one with the a new unit that i despise very much. now seaching for a way to get out of my current unit. the highlight of my year is reuniting with my daughter after being gone for most of the year and my new guy. everything is good. glad that my fellow soldiers are being called home. that lessens my chances of going. prayer is the answer. ooh i forgot as a gift to myself i got me a new tattoo! it dope, when i get a pic i'll post. this is number seven.

2005-12-29T15:13:00.000-08:00

okay, well i don't know whether u are right or wrong and neither do u. so if its true the truth will come out. i can't do anything but continue to live.

2005-12-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

no maybe u misunderstood, he's not with another woman, he had some issues with a past relationship that he needed to resolve within himself. i would never be that into a guy knowing he wasn't mine. hell naw. i've always been the type to have one and some on the side just in case the main one messes up. koolbreeze will tell ya.

2005-12-28T15:48:00.000-08:00

well i was still very upset when i got off the phone last night. but i slept on it and woke up feeling a lot better. i forgive him for more reasons than one. he IS a good guy despite some flaws. plus he doen't know everything about me either. cause i have done some dirt but it doesn't bother me. so i'll be keeping it to myself. he doesn't treat me badly, he will make up for it this weekend. so i'm in this. and koolbreeze can't say shit cause her husband aint perfect either. i'm not telling her to leave her man. i've never told her that. i've always told her maybe she should change her attitude but hey, i just want everyone to get along, and be happy.

2005-12-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

well i talked to him yesterday. and his reason wasn't a good one but its understandable. he had some unresolved issues with an ex that he needed to situate in order to be with me completely. i'm glad he told me cause he really didn't have to. i have the choice now to be with and i'm thankful for that. i do forgive him cause no one is perfect. everyone makes mistakes and if u can't forgive then u will be a hard person to be with. i'm not like that. he knows what he did and he's sorry. but he also knows this is his final chance he won't be getting another. he said he won't need it cause he's not gonna do it again. i trust his words. i see it like this if i do something fukked up i want to be forgiven. so i'm setting my path i guess. my father instilled in me the golden rule when i was younger. do unto others as u would have them do unto u. i hated it when he would make me say that. and he drilled in me. i live by it now. i'm glad he did that. i've been known to be too nice but i haven't come across a lot of bad people in my life and i'm thankful for that.

2005-12-27T12:48:00.000-08:00

i think you all are right. man i hate feeling like this. i'm pissed and i want to cry cause he's such a good man but not good enough for me. it will cause major issues cause thats something that i want, and i'll think about the guys who would want that and i'd just be stuck. i'm only getting married once and i'm not gonna settle for less than what WE want. we are unevenly yoked i guess. well i guess i'll be returning his christmas present. okay i guess i'm done talking about that. whats next?

2005-12-27T11:23:00.000-08:00

well what koolbreeze is talking about is that i want to have at least one more child, but he doesn't want anymore. he already has one she's 2. mine is 5 so i think i'm ready for another. but thats a no go with him. i told him this in the beginning because i knew how i felt about and i didn't want to continue to see him if he wasn't going to get on board. well he said he would think about it and time went on and we got closer and i brought it up again and he was like hell no no more kids. this has upset me. cause he really didn't think about it. so i said okay i will put what i feel aside and drive on. i just really dig him and i'm not in the mood to start over with someonelse or just not be with anyone at all.

well i did talk to him today for 5 seconds he said he would call back he hasn't. i'm just done. i can't take this anymore. i have never been one to sit and wait on anybody. i met this one man in basic training and i really want him but he's in korea. so thats a lost cause. maybe i should just be alone. i can't go wrong with self satisfaction. i'm just done.

2005-12-27T09:06:00.000-08:00

no he didn't cheat. unless u call working cheating.the other female is named DEA. all i know is he did have a big case last week so its a strong possiblity that he is out of town cause he's done that before. and the bad guys don't care thats its christmas. from experience thats the best time to move u know. u probably don't but i do. no i'm not making excuses i'm just trying to get through my day and pray he's okay. anyway its hard to move on cause i had plans and a daily routine thats hard to break. hell yeah i was feeling him. oh this is just simply killing me. so i should just give up right. take it as a loss and move on. uhhhh.

2005-12-26T15:47:00.000-08:00

hey everyone thanks for the comments. it is now the day after christmas and i still haven't heard from him. this sucks so bad. i'm thinking negatively now. i just knew he would call yesterday. so i just drawned my pain with a couple of magaritas. they were good too. to bad i enjoyed them alone. i feel stupid cause i know that if i call he won't answer his phone. i left a message saying that i just wanted him to tell me what was going on then i would be fine. if its over then its over if he's working then we will talk about that. i know that he loves his job and thats not my problem. i just asked for a simple phone call. i don't know. maybe he's just not that in to me. as oprah would say. but this is the killer on thursday when i talked to him last everything was cool we were laughing and joking so thats why i don't know whats going on. he was talking about getting me a ring for christmas. just a ring not engagment ring. so i'm just confused.

2005-12-23T17:12:00.000-08:00

i wonder if i'm blind or what. i have a small problem. i don't want to sound selfish but it seems like i'm asking too much from my boyfreind. we live 3 hours away from each other but his is in law enforcement and so his job takes up a lot of his time. all i'm asking is that he calls when he's not going to make it in town. but time and time again i don't hear from him days at a time. now i'm not naive to think he's not cheating or am i. i know what his job consists of because i use to be law enforcement. so when its told to me that maybe there is another woman its hard for me to think that way cause i do trust him. and because i use to be law enforcement i have learned to read people. other than him not call cause he's working he's a real good man. he wants me to move to where he is so that we can be together all the time. am i just stupid or what cause i really trust but i have no one to talk to about this, cause KOOLBREEZE won't let me talk to her!!! thats my evil twin.

2005-12-22T09:13:00.000-08:00

i'm new, and i'm trying to figure this out so bare with me